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THE BRIAN MICHAEL BENDIS SCHOOL OF DIALOGUE PRESENTS: The Origin of Thor

MAN: So up in the sky there’s this magic place called Asgard, ok? There’s this guy.

WOMAN: A guy.

MAN: Right. A guy. He’s a god. Has long flowing locks, immortal, the whole deal. This guy’s name is Thor. And he’s a dick. Oh, and he’s got this magic hammer.

WOMAN: Mmhm. Ok.

MAN: And Thor’s got a dad. Name’s Odin. Big Mother$%^*er. Enormous beard. One eye.

WOMAN: Sounds like Santa Clause

MAN: He isn’t Santa Clause.

WOMAN: He SOUNDS LIKE Santa.

MAN: Anyway.

WOMAN: Go on.

MAN: So naturally, Poppa Odin doesn’t take to kindly to his kid being a snot. So he kicks him out of the house. Turns his big magic hammer into a STICK. And then, get this, he wipes his memory and turns Thor into a crippled doctor named Donald Blake.

WOMAN: That…doesn’t seem so bad. Doctor’s make a ton.

MAN: Odin wanted him to learn, I guess, humility. So even though his punishment was” Ok, now you’re Dr. House”, it’s still a downgrade from “Immortal God of Thunder”.

WOMAN: So then what happens?

MAN: So FLASHFORWARD. Dr. Donald Blake is on vacation in Norway.

WOMAN: Of course he is.

MAN: And Blake’s tromping around some mountains when he sees some aliens.

WOMAN: What kind of aliens?

MAN: Like…rock guys. It’s not important, they don’t show up again until PLANET HULK.

WOMAN: I don’t know what that means.

MAN: Not important.

WOMAN: So these rock guys.

MAN: So these rock guys see Blake, try and kill him, and Blake hides in a cave. In the cave, wouldn’t-you-know it, there’s a stick.

WOMAN: Thor’s stick?

MAN: That’s the one. So he hits it to the ground.

WOMAN: Does he say anything to activate this stick? Like…”Shazam!” or something.

MAN: No. He just hits it and bam, he’s Thor again. And he fights off the Rock guys.

WOMAN: So, what, he just heads back to Avatar and says “Hey Pops. Back now”?

MAN: Asgard. And no. Well, he does go back a few times. But mostly he ends up sticking around to protect the Earth and he just sorta switches back and forth between his two identities. That part’s kind of confusing, actually.

WOMAN: Cool.

NEXT TIME: THE ORIGIN OF THE FANTASTIC FOUR!

Brian Michael Bendis is an American comic book writer for Marvel Comics. He teaches writing at Portland State University. He thinks Spider-Woman is cool for some reason.

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One response to “THE BRIAN MICHAEL BENDIS SCHOOL OF DIALOGUE PRESENTS: The Origin of Thor

  1. David Fathom ⋅

    Oh God. I know that this is mocking the dialogue, but it’s hilarious and why I pursue Bendis’s comics.

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