Hive of Scum and The Mod Delusion Present:
The Worst of The Worst: Awful Comic Book T-Shirts (Part 2)
Welcome to Part 2 of Mike Pfieffer and I’s rundown of some of comicdom’s greatest crimes against fashion. If you missed part one, check it out HERE first. Without further ado, lets continue on this boondoggle, shall we?
Mike: A school friendly tribute to the three breasted hooker from total recall that also ups the ante a little! This shirt means absolutely nothing to anyone who doesn’t already understand the significance of four circles on a black background.
Max: I think the real problem here is that, on Thor’s costume, the circles are HUGE. This looks like a shirt about the phases of the moon that you could get at like the Air and Space Museum.
Max: Wait a sec, isn’t this just the White Lantern logo tee you linked to earlier?
Mike: Oh, of course Ghostrider’s logo.
Max: Oh, duh, Ghost Rider’s famous logo.
Mike: it’s on all those lunchboxes and in the middle of his costume.
Max: It seriously looks like someone’s incredibly abstract take on the SHIELD logo. It’s also a testament to the buying habits of the average comic book reader that the market can support a t-shirt of Ghost Rider’s relatively obscure logo. I say this as a man who owns like five Captain America shirts
Mike: It’s some really innovative use of negative space to convey absolutely nothing about the character it represents.
Max: In all of us, there is a Black superhero trying to claw his way out
Mike: T’CHALLA “HUSSAIN” T’CHAKA NOT BORN IN WAKANDA BIRTH “CERTIFICATE” SAYS BORN IN THE CHEST OF A NERD. WERE”S THE CERTIFICATE, T’CHALLA?
Max: This is actually probably one of the least ridiculous shirts we’ve looked at. There’s probably a dozen versions with Wolverine or the Hulk. But I can’t look at it and not think of the tiger tattoo that Will Ferrell has in Blades of Glory. That movie pretty much ruined the tattoo/t-shirt genre of “things tearing through things”.
Mike: I’m really confused about which one of those fingers is his thumb. It’s like an optical illusion.
Mike: Shipping: 3-5 days. Minutes it takes for someone to compliment you on your “Cool Batman Shirt”: 5
Max: Then you have to explain to your girlfriend’s parents that you’re wearing a “Black Panther” shirt.
Max: This shirt hurts my eyes and I’m not sure why. Should I be wearing special glasses to look at it?
Mike: it’s like I’m trying to read it but my eyes just slide off to either side.
Max: This is the the comic book t shirt equivalent of a migraine. This is a shirt you wear only if you’re attending a party made up of people you hate.
Mike: I thought that they had to burn these shirts after the cold war ended for geneva convention violations.
Max: This is some “2001” shit.
Mike: Cons: barfshirt Pros: Superhero barfshirt
Max: Wolverine and co. just look terrified to be colored energy disks that are shooting off into the barfy abyss.
Mike: They’re trying to escape the shirt. “LEMME OUTTA THE BARFSHIRT, BUB”.
Max: Except for the Silver Surfer. Surfer’s just rolling with it, this isn’t anything new to him.
Max:…what’s happening? Nothing makes sense anymore.
Mike: This is the next logical step from barfshirt.
Max: What…what is reality?
Mike: this is the web 2.0 flying disc/shitty tiedye combo.
Mike: I think this might be what girls and parents see when they look at comic books.
Max: At some point, I guess Silver Surfer died or managed to escape. The rest have become content with the whole situation.
Mike: I like the way it covers your entire torso, not letting one inch escape the grim alternate universe where there’s nothing but heads and explododots.
Max: Mike, can I interest you in a shirt that will get you immediately rejected by ANY woman?
Mike: My parents love this show. I’m watching it with them right now.
Max: My girlfriend loves this show.
Mike: It’s got exactly one joke. “Science science nerd shit!” Then a hot girl goes “WAT” big laughs rolls credits.
Max: I mean, as far as shows on CBS goes, it’s fine but yeah it’s enabling an entire generation of shutins and saddos.
Mike: It’s a mystery to me because I’ve been talking like this for years and my mom has failed to show any interest
Max: Well, maybe she should get you tested 😉